19 weeks, 3 days.

Nearly halfway there!

Cravings.

Jamie made me crave McDonald's. Babybug seems to enjoy Taco Bell. Scott's out right now, picking up tacos and hot sauce. Yes, for the first time in my life, I'm putting hot sauce on my food. Delicious cravings.

On a lighter note, nostalgia.

I was looking through an old online journal from my college years. Here's a look into my life at 20. I look back on my involvement with the student newspaper as some of the best times in my life. I'm truly happy when I'm writing. That still hasn't changed.

September 30, 2003.

Today was the best day I think I've had in awhile.

When I woke up this morning, I was actually ready to wake up. I could see the sun coming in through the blinds, and I didn't feel groggy or grumpy. I decided I absolutely had to skip my 11 o' clock class for the George Beall's lecture.

Instead of class, I went to the newspaper office, took the digital camera and went downstairs to the multi-purpose lecture room. Will introduced me to a few University people, and they told me I could sit with the press people. Paul came down and was the only other newspaper person to sit with me. C-Span was there!! Cameras and reporters were there, and so were a good deal of students there for extra-credit and almost all the University people. Beall was interesting to listen to, and I'm still shocked he went to Frostburg. Basically...he was a U.S. Attorney back in '73 and investigated Vice President Spiro Agnew during the Watergate Scandal. What a lecture that was. Afterwards, I went up to try to get a word with him. A bunch of people jumped in front of me and even this photographer got in my way, but finally I was able to say hi and shake his hand. I asked him a quick question for my article and then I told him that I was interested in becoming a journalist. He kind of brightened and recommended I read this book called "A Heartbeat Away." Just then, this University guy came over and slipped me his card. He explained that I could visit his office in a week to pick up a picture he had just taken of me talking with Beall. How cool is that? I walked out of the room with a big smile on my face. I went up to Sub-Connection to get a quick lunch, and then I called my parents to tell them what had happened. They were happy for me because they know how I love working for the newspaper.

I'm serious...since freshman year, I've been given so many opportunities that I wouldn't have had anywhere else. I've traveled to Orlando and Seattle, I met a former Days of Our Lives actor, I met Martin Luther King's daughter...and now a former U.S. Attorney???? And I'm going to Dallas in a month.

It may not sound like much to some people, but it's something I'm really passionate about.

So at 2, I went to take my biology exam. I just got my grade online, and I got a 74. Which is good considering I'm not a Science whiz, and I've been busting my butt basically. I'm gonna pass.

After the exam, I realized what a day I was having. Who was I to end it? Jessica and I went to downtown Cumberland, walked around for the longest time and then went to a little cafe for dinner. Good food and coffee. I just got back awhile ago.

And now...I think I'll go swimming. I'm on such a high right now, I don't ever want to come down from it.

November 13, 2003.

Do you ever not like being the center of attention?

Tuesday night, I went to the Brown vs. Board of Educ lecture at the Lane Center, and I talked to the speaker beforehand to let him know that I was writing a story for the newspaper. During the lecture, he mentions a young lady who wants to be a writer and then turns to the audience and says "where is she sitting? the young lady from the newspaper?"

I raise my hand, and I can literally hear all of the heads turn to look at me. So the guy nods and says something, I can't remember. On Wednesday, a few people in my class were like "oh yeah, we were wondering why you had a notebook with you last night!"

Anyway, this morning in Language Behavior, Routhier was talking about a theory and decided to use me as an example. He points and says "Janet Gooch!" And explains that it's object reference, and then later uses me again to demonstrate reflex awareness. Ha, yeah...so now they all know my full name...

I dunno, it's just weird sometimes, because I'd rather just stand back and chill than being in the center. Is that crazy?

Missing what I never knew.

Let me start by saying that I am grateful to be pregnant right now. I realize that every life is a miracle and I know not to take anything for granted, because nothing is guaranteed. We accept what we're given and we make every day count.

That being said...I think about our angel daily. It's gotten easier as the months have passed, but the pain is still there. I think I'll always think about what happened and he/she will always be in my thoughts. It just doesn't go away.

I've been thinking about it more lately, because my due date was within the last 2 weeks. By now, I would have given birth and I'd be up to my elbows in dirty diapers and sleep deprived. I've seen baby pictures from a few friends who had babies this month and it does tug at my heart a little bit. That should have been us, too.

I'm looking forward to our life with Babybug, who gets bigger everyday and I'm cherishing the movement that I'm starting to feel. I had a scary experience early last week, and that fear brought back all of the horrible feelings from the miscarriage. Everything ended up being fine and it just made me realize again, there are so many unknowns. I just pray that everything stays on course and that Babybug and I remain healthy.

Jamie plays.

I'm sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee, and Jamie hurries over with some toys. 2 plastic tunnels and the Sesame Street characters from his play set. He added a toilet paper tube that he politely requested after he followed me into the bathroom.

In typical Jamie fashion, he used the toilet paper tube as a tunnel extender, to give rides to Bert, Ernie, and Mr. Hooper.

I've noticed that his favorite things include puzzles, blocks, building just about anything. In fact, rather than race his toy cars, he prefers to line them up like a train. At lunchtime, his cheese cubes become a train.

He likes to figure things out. If there's a zipper, he's fascinated. He likes to count, and will count just about anything!

I always thought that little boys had a destructive behavior, wanting to plan attacks between toys, make explosion sounds, throw toy cars across the room, etc, and maybe that's yet to come. Still, I enjoy watching logical Jamie at play.

What will he build or figure out next?

"Mail!"

See that postcard with Elmo on the front? This kid loves mail, and of course, he's been carrying it around with his favorite toys.

18 weeks.

Feeling good, but tired. Only 3 weeks until the big ultrasound!

I'm also excited because I'm finally feeling flutters. It's hard to describe, but I'll try. It feels like Babybug is stretching out and finding a comfortable position. No kicks yet!

I'm hungrier nowadays and there are more cravings than before. I'm loving croissants, hard boiled eggs/devilled eggs, hot dogs, tacos, soup, subs/hoagies, grapes, salad with thousand island, orange juice...and sometime this week, I'll need a milkshake and cheesecake. Oh, and pickles, of course.

In other news, bathroom visits are no joke. I was driving home today, nearly 2 miles from the house, when I suddenly pulled into a bank. I hurried inside and politely asked where the restroom was. I was moments away from crying if I hadn't found a place to stop, but no matter what, I can't seem to not use manners. Never mind I almost had an accident! Now I'm paranoid that I WILL have an accident. I wonder if other pregnant women wear Depends....